October 25th, 2004
revisionist?
I’m rereading my last post and I don’t like it.
I won’t delete it because that seems somehow unfair, if even just to myself. I had those thoughts, felt those feelings, and they are valid. But it’s just such a crappy post, so self-serving and self-aggrandizing. I hate the tone of it, and its snobbishness.
Frankly, I’m still trying to figure out what happens next. My LSAT score doesn’t really change things—I’m still applying to law school, I still want to write and teach—but it has changed the way I feel about myself applying to law school.
One of my good friends, C., who I see so rarely but saw this weekend at our reunion, made the comment that she knew I had done fine on the LSAT. She added that she also knew that I felt my “fine” just wasn’t good enough. She was right. I always want to be better than “others,” whoever those “others” are. I don’t even have to be better than everyone else—just those I think I should be competing with. After all, C. way outclasses me intellectually, and I’ve never felt the need to compete with her.
So my last post was all about proving that I am still good enough, still smart enough, to be a law professor—or even just to get into a prestigious school. It can be exhausting, trying to live up to my promise. Maybe I should stop groping around for recognition and pay more attention to my happiness.
comments
If I had read your blurb 2 months ago, I would definitely have called it whining, but NOW one horrible LSAT later, I totally agree! Numbers mean NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING. And honestly, is the LSAT REALLY a good indicator of how well we will do in law school? NO, it is not.
I have met some seriously intellectually challenged people who have gone to law school or are in it now, and it brings me fear that they will be lawyers someday and I may not. These people were admitted simply because they did well in University and ok on their LSAT. But that just means they are good test takers, doesn’t it?
I am a horrible test taker. I stress because I want to excel at everything I do. All I want is to go to law school people. Not too much to ask for is it?
So now I must write the LSAT again. Having bombed the last time, I feel absolutely discouraged. For the first time, I actually feel incompetent. And my score, that retched number, had to tell me that. But I know, a good LSAT score, or not, I will be an excellent Lawyer.
So, my point is, a number is a number. It doesn’t say much about a person’s skills and expertise. So the law school admission council should place more emphasis on an applicant’s community involvement and extra-curricular acheivements. Sure, a student’s GPA and LSAT score speaks to his/her discipline and dedication to the books, but seriously now, there are several students out there (many of whom I know) who get smashed or high every night and they end up spitting out the best bull on their exams the next morning. Now are you telling me THOSE people deserve admission to law school simply because their grades were good?
So for those of you who are planning on taking the LSAT, practice does NOT make perfect. I practiced my little ars off and even took the prep course (the VERY expensive prep course) but I failed to deliver to the best of my ability. So if luck is on your side that day, you’ll do well. That’s all it is with the LSAT, sadly, you just need the luck.
So, GOOD LUCK!