divine angst

I go back and forth on being excited to move somewhere new next year. Today, I am pretty excited about it, mostly because I’ve just gotten back in touch with an old friend who lives in DC.

But a week ago, I was near miserable thinking about it. All I could imagine was the difficulty of moving, the greater debt we’ll take on, the being far, far away from my family. My stomach was churning.

So I’m back and forth. And I guess that’s to be expected—this is a pretty major change we’re planning to make. I’ve always lived close to my family except for my four years of undergrad. Even then, I was home at least once a semester plus Christmas and the summer. We’re all pretty close. Oddly, I’ve begun working on my grandmother’s Christmas newsletter (it features pictures of all their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren with little blurbs…it’s very visually friendly) and you’d think that would make me more nostalgic and upset about moving far away. But instead, today, I am excited about the future. Maybe I know in my heart how supportive my family will be.

Totally unrelated: I really like the Family Guy. Seriously funny show. Adult Swim rocks. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Part of all this reflection is that Mr. Angst is diving into the real work of his applications and the “eventuallies” are becoming the “nows.” We’ve been coasting along on the assumption that both him and me will get into schools in all the cities we’re looking at and suddenly I think we’re both very aware that the plan may not work out that way. And I don’t really know what we’ll do if the plan doesn’t work out as we hoped. So, I’m excited about moving and change today perhaps because I’m really avoiding the possibilities.

Thanks to Shelley for this lovely article.

At choir rehearsal not long ago, I had a conversation with a seminarian who was explaining to me why he was voting for Bush. His reasons? He admired the President’s faith, yes, but more important to him was Bush’s stance on abortion and the war. I replied that I could not vote for Bush because of his stance on the death penalty, his blindness to the complete inadequacy of No Child Left Behind, and his odd fiscal irresponsibility. It was all very civil, and while neither of us could agree with the other, we spoke with respect and openness.

Why can’t more political conversations go that way?

We are not—and I am not—black and white, red and blue. There are too many things going on in our country for me to take a one-sided view of all of them. Like Heidi, I sometimes consider myself a bleeding heart liberal. Also like Heidi, though, I am willing to make concessions on some issues for the sake of others. It is too bad that our elected officials (at least publicly and in the media) do not present the same face of compromise.

Two schools that I’ve submitted apps to have not in any way acknowledged their receipt. This makes me nervous, although just a bit. When will they ask for reports? When will they tell me they’ve received my stuff? When when when?

When I applied to college, yea so many years ago, one of my applications was, apparently, never considered. It was very odd. I sent everything in along with my check, and I never heard anything else from that school. I wasn’t particularly interested in that school, so I didn’t fret about it. But law school is a bit different.

For one, I think I’m not really supposed to call these schools to ask about the status of my application. But without calling, I am at the mercy of the schools as far as being informed that my applications have been received. One school got a check from me, so I can always monitor my checking account to see if it’s cleared. The other, though, was paid online when I submitted. They have my money, but I have no way of knowing when they’ll take a look at my application.

I feel sort of helpless, and I don’t like that.