April 2nd, 2005
sometimes I speak too soon
So I wrote yesterday a few things about the decision-making process:
I wish there were strong, important reasons to go to one place or the other—and that my inner self could admit that the other option was just a pipe dream. But I can’t.
Yeah. I was wrong about that. About the strong, important reasons to go one place over the other, that is. All along, there have been strong, important reasons for us to go to one of our cities over the other.
Think about it this way: I’ve been trying to choose between English Cheddar or Wisconsin Cheddar while Mr. Angst has been deciding between Kraft Slices and Wisconsin Cheddar. In other words, my choices are close. His are not. And I’d been losing sight of that. I think I’ve been trying to convince myself that his Kraft Slices were slices of deli Cheddar. Sure, sometimes Kraft Slices have their place—but not when you’re craving the real stuff.
OK. Maybe I extended the metaphor too far. Basically, I know I can get a good job no matter which school I go to. Chances are I can get on a journal at either school, land a clerkship, and get something published. My choice is one of small degrees of prestige. Mr. Angst’s choice is not—his is between a night program for working professionals or a true, academic program with opportunities for research and lab work.
All this to say that we’ve pretty much made our decision. Pretty much? OK. We HAVE made our decision. We’re not closing any doors quite right now—I’m not sending any withdrawals yet—but we’re not propping them open any more either.
Sometime in the next week or so, I’ll go ahead and accept my scholarship and, before we leave for our Caribbean cruise, I’ll send a seat deposit. If things should dramatically change between now and the end of the month, we can always forfeit that money. But I suspect this decision will be the final one.
I feel a little sad—I wrote about seeing the two prospective futures and wondering which one we’d embrace. Turning away from one of them is a kind of loss. Of course, at the same time, it makes the other path possible. And having a path to follow is a relief.
comments
So it sounds like the decision is clear. Clarity is good. It all works out like it’s supposed to.
Yeah, making poor Mr. Angst eat Kraft Cheese ™ Slices just doesn’t sound right.
I’m sure it will be for the best, as you’ve mentioned, both of your choices would be good fits…
I know what you mean about being a little sad about losing one path. But you have to make a choice some time, right? I’m sure you’ll both be happy at your new schools.
Things always seem to improve once a decision is actually made. Make a commitment and good things happen. You’re going to be fine!
Congrats on making the decision! Your reason sounds very… reasonable. You and Mr. Angst will both do very well, I’m sure. Is he thrilled with the decision?
Mr. Angst is VERY happy. And I can’t blame him. He really wants to be back in school and be IN SCHOOL—not moonlighting as a student. This is a terrific opportunity for him, and seeing how happy he is about it is really reward enough for making this decision.