divine angst

Maybe I just don’t get it, but people climbing Mount Everest have got to be the most insane people EVER.* Already this year (and the climbing season has just begun), two people have died, and major base camps have been swept away or covered by a recent avalanche. And most of the expeditions haven’t even gotten high enough up on the mountain to be in the real danger zone.

This quote from a Mt. Everest news website is just appalling to me:

Willi Prittie, senior guide for Alpine Ascents, put the avalanche into a poetic perspective: “After such an incident as yesterday, is when life feels the most precious, the most ‘alive’ if you will, and so it is. The scenery is never better, the air is never fresher, the mountains never clearer, our friends and family never dearer, and the beer never more refreshing than when we are reminded by a close call of our own mortality.”

Excuse me? Six people were injured in the event he refers to, one possibly with a broken spine. This in an area where you cannot drive out or get on an airplane; where your only options for leaving are hiking for a week or getting a helicopter to brave the altitude and winds and unpredictable weather around Everest and come pick you up.

I understand the thrill-seeking urge. I’ve gone rock climbing and rappelling, I’ve been caving, and I understand the tingle of putting yourself in danger. But to be so cavalier about it—to suggest that it is only at those risky-tingly moments that you feel most alive—well, it’s just tunnel vision! What about the tingle of childbirth or of falling in love? I guess those don’t count, not to these guys.

*I am well aware that, as high mountains go, Everest is not particularly dangerous. K2 is much more perilous. In fact, Mt. Everest is considered the cakewalk of high-risk mountaineering, especially considering the adventure companies will take just about anyone up the mountain.

I survived the body shots, the bad tacos, and the pinata bashing. (Actually, I didn’t do anything for Cinco de Mayo, which makes me a BIG LOSER, but I digress.) Here are your Friday Spies©, courtesy of Fitz & Co.

1. What is a food you have tried but will never eat again, and what don’t you like about it?

There aren’t many foods I won’t eat. Even foods I once hated. To wit: I think I am ready to try eating Brussels sprouts again, even though I despised them as a child. I have tried just about any kind of sushi a chef can put in front of me. I enjoy liver and onions. I am sure there is a food I won’t eat again, but it’s not a food I was traumatized by such that I remember it.

Edit: LQ reminds me of the thing I will never eat again: tripe. Specifically, menudo (not the boy band). It’s just icky in the mouth. Sort of slimy and rubbery at the same time.

2. What are your five favorite possessions?

My engagement/wedding rings
La iPod
My KitchenAid food processor
An out of print, hard copy of The Jerusalem Bible, the best translation ever
My childhood teddy bear, who no longer has a nose or ears but is still the best bear ever.

3. How do you deal with confrontation? Do you seek it out or do you avoid it? Are you more apt to be the confronter or the confronted?

Urk. I am not a huge fan of confrontation. I very, very rarely incite confrontation unless I’m just really pissed off. (The guy who was supposed to buy our bed? When I talked to him on the phone about it, I laid into him, but I was seriously mad. That was a big exception to my usual M.O.) When confronted, I try to smooth things over as much as possible, which is probably not a great personality trait, but I really don’t like people to be mad at me.

4. What will Michael Jackson be doing five years from now?

MJ will be the next Howard Hughes. He’ll be living on the top of the castle at Disneyland (secretly, of course, because it will violate the conditions of his parole), but he’ll never leave. He won’t have contact with anyone except a food taster and a couple of valets who will keep his domicile clean.

He will, of course, peer out the turret windows at the crowds below, but he’ll have become so agoraphobic that even his basest instincts will be foiled by the terror of going outside. Thus, all the children will be safe again.

Now, he’ll have to pay a hefty chunk of change to the Disney people for the privilege of living in the castle. He’ll get his hands on that cash by selling his share of the Beatles’ catalogue—to P. Diddy.

5. What is the worst movie sequel ever made, what is the best sequel ever, and what movie should have had a sequel but didn’t?

Worst sequel: I don’t know if it’s the worst sequel, but it’s the best sequel completely ruined by bad acting: The Godfather Part III
Best sequel: Empire Strikes Back. Arguably better than the original.
Should have had a sequel: I don’t think any great movies need sequels. After all, a great movie is one that is self-contained, whose story is complete, without the need for more stuff. Of course, if we’re talking about ANY movie that should have had a sequel, not just great movies, then Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo definitely needs a sequel. Wait, you mean it’s already getting one?