divine angst

Hey, guess what?

I just gave my boss my resignation letter. It’s OFFICIAL. I’m QUITTING.

I’m a QUITTER.

No three words have ever made me happier.*

*This statement is not really true, OK, Mr. Angst?

CM has a post up about things she wants to do in law school and I started to comment about it, but decided to just post, because pretty much everything on her list is on mine, though maybe not for the same exact reasons.

She wants to study at the library; I want to try and NOT study at home. I just know I won’t get much done if I do work at home. Plus, I want home to be HOME—a place to read fiction, cook meals, listen to good music and dance around like a fool, watch TV, sleep, and enjoy my husband. I don’t want home to become a place I associate with stress and frustration. So I, too, want to study at the library, or at least on campus rather than at home.

CM also wants to be social. I don’t usually have trouble being “social,” per se, but I do have trouble making friends. Example: my best friend in the whole world is someone I met freshman year of college. We had many mutual friends and were in the same organizations, and were often at the same parties, moving with the same groups of people from place to place. But we didn’t actually become friends until our senior year. It took me that long to let her in. What I am saying is that I am slow to make friends. I always have been. Not casual “acquaintance” type friends, but good friends, the kind of people I’ll call up at any time of the night just because I need someone to go get Chinese food with. I spend too much time inside my head, trying to figure out if I “really” want to be close to someone. And I think I just want to get out of that habit right away and meet people and make friends without all the inner monologue. Sigh.

CM also talks about making the most of opportunities and staying healthy and remembering the point of it all. Those are important to me, also—just not as important as the above points. More important to me will be taking advantage of Our New City, spending time with my husband, and trying to meet people who AREN’T fellow students. It would be nice to be able to call up someone for pizza and not sit and talk about school.

After many long months of waiting, the great exodus has finally begun.

I refer, of course, to all the 0Ls moving for school. A few of us have a long way to go, while some have a shorter distance. But most of us (though not all) have to suck it up and move.

This time around is easier for me, conceptually. First, everyone else is going through it, too. Misery is better with company. Also, our possessions are much thinner now—having given away a full bedroom/office worth of furniture the first time around.

Still, it’s starting to keep me up at night again. I guess I’d better get some boxes out of the storage closet and start packing up books and CDs. So I can sleep, if nothing else.