divine angst

Work work work work; work work work work.

And it’s not just me this week, it’s Mr. Angst, too. He has exams next week, so he’s busy finishing up projects and papers and homeworks while I’m revising my comment, researching for my paper due next week, and dreading the bench memo I’m supposed to write by Monday.

Sometimes, working 12 solid hours a day feels good. You feel like you really put forward the effort and you get absorbed into it and you just . . . work. This is not that kind of work. I am having to bounce around between projects and papers, class reading and journal work, home life and extracurricular nonsense. Gah gah gah. Just when I get on a roll on one thing, it’s time to move on to something else, or go to bed, or go to class, or meet with a student, or, I don’t know, EAT or go to the bathroom or just STOP and BREATHE.

I keep telling myself it’s just a few more days, but it’s really not. Because I have a HUGE stack of stuff to do over my spring break, even the week that I’m ostensibly “on vacation.” And when I get back, there’s no rest because of extracurricular nonsense, and more journal stuff and then, ack! my summer job starts! Somewhere in there are exams–God only knows when I’ll actually outline.

Posting has fallen off the rader for me, obviously. I’m stopping in to post something cursory (mostly) daily, but there’s no real substance, no real spark. The Roundup will be up as usual on Sunday, and if I can think of something more interesting to write about between now and then–more interesting than how busy I am and how crazy second year of law school is when you are overcommitted and yet loving every minute of it–then I’ll get that right up. Otherwise, have no expectations.

So, um, Heroes sucks. Tonight’s episode was pretty damn cool and I’m really, really stoked for the next one.

But, APRIL TWENTY-THIRD? NBC, are you KIDDING me? That’s, like, a month and a half! What will I watch to distract me while I finish out the semester? What will I do??

BZZZZZZZ!

I sat straight up in bed. My heart was racing. I felt hot. I looked at the clock: 3:15. AM. Some *%!$&# downstairs buzzed our apartment at 3:15! The dog started barking. Shush!

Once again, I was up in the middle of the night. I tried to go back to sleep, but the stress came pouring in, chasing the sheep away. So I tiptoed to the computer, worked for a bit, and went back to bed. Where I lay, sleepless, for two more hours. There goes my Sunday productivity.

I managed, somehow, though, to get up at a decent hour and get working on things that Needed To Be Done Yesterday; even if I’m not writing as much as I need to be, I’m not wasting too much time. But there were other things I wanted to do this morning that just didn’t happen, because someone buzzed us at 3:15.

I like feeling productive. And today I have actually BEEN productive. Not, perhaps, as productive as I could have been had I gotten started earlier, not wasted time dithering around online, etc., but productive nonetheless. There’s something about sitting down and working on something that reminds you that the mountain in front of you is actually not so steep, and that it’s maybe more like a very large hill, and that you can, in fact, make it to the top and down the other side without having to forgo sleep and food and general health.

In other words, I’m revising my comment, hopefully for the last time (at least, hopefully for the last time this semester). Still ahead: a whole paper to write (due in approximately two weeks), a presentation section to put together (research: done, which is more than I can say for the paper), and another thing to put together by next (not this, but next) Monday. And some extracurricular stuff to work on that will keep me busy, ack. All is well, though–remember, I was PRODUCTIVE today. Unlike most Saturdays.

And…..it’s snowing again.

Come ON. It’s MARCH, for goodness’ sake.

I promise better updates at some point, but right now I am SLAMMED–paper due a week from today, another due the following Monday, and a third due two weeks from today. On top of those things, I have an afternoon full of appointments–I get to help do some hiring!–and long nights scheduled for Sunday and Monday for That Other Extracurricular Thing I Do. Rock.

Back later.