divine angst

I am not making as much progress in studying as I was earlier this week. The problem is a familiar one. It seems like it happens every year, and this year is no different: I am missing that sense of urgency. I’m just not scared. This year is different, though. Usually I’m not scared because I know I have time and my brain thinks it works better under pressure. This year, though, I have an additional factor—I am too comfortable with the material. I’ve enjoyed this class a lot, more than I expected to, and I have an affinity for the kind of analysis required. So not only do I have plenty of time, but also I’m just not worried about the material. (Note: I should be worried—no exam is easy enough to take without some serious preparation. This is just my brain tricking me into being lazy.)

At any rate, I’m struggling to motivate myself when all I really want to do is curl up in front of the fire with my dog and wait out the snow. After a semester of doing nothing but working, working, working, under high levels of stress and while dealing with many, many frustrations, I kind of feel like I deserve a more relaxing exam period, especially when I only have one exam. But I also have a hard time escaping from the guilt of not working when I have work to do.

I like the snow.  It’s so pretty when it’s coming down and when it’s fresh and new and white.  What I hate is when the snow turns into big gray piles of gross on the side of the street.  Which is what the snow will be like when I actually have time—and the inclination—to go out in it.